The Lotus Flower

What do you do when you know things cannot be fixed? Daddy made his life and I have had to follow until I could make my own way. And now…what about Sherrie? The only sister, by blood I have. Yet, I haven’t seen her in 27 years. I still have the Dr. Seuss book she gave me when I was nine.

I wonder more than anything. But I am so afraid of what she will say to me. I have such a soft heart. I cannot armor it to keep me safe. She has grown children that I have never met. I am an aunt, but to who? She has been married many times. And I am afraid she will hate me. It is easier to stay away. But Daddy has been gone for 24 years and I want to know what she remembers.

Daddy is shrouded in mystery. He lived his life in the bottle and on the gambling table. Yet, I search for a deeper level that made me who I am. Is it strange of me to think there is something pure I can glean from a life of decay? He died when he was 51. So young, now that I am in my thirties.

I hate regretting. And wishing I had acted. But I have so much fear. And I must be brave to face my past. I strive like a lotus flower to rise above the muck, from which it is born.